đź“ś By Quill & Candlelight: The Dispatches of Colonel Shufflebottom on the Matter of Colonial Nonsense
🗓️ September 1st, 1775 — Philadelphia, Incongruously Continental
The Continental Congress, that most theatrical assembly of powdered ambition, has begun formal military planning. I am told they now draft strategies with ledgers, committees, and a level of optimism typically reserved for amateur dramatists. Their war plans include charts, resolutions, and—most alarmingly—columns of figures scratched into parchment with the confidence of men who believe arithmetic is a form of patriotism.
They speak of raising armies, fortifying positions, and coordinating supplies. I observed one delegate attempting to sketch a battlefield map using a wine stain and a biscuit. The biscuit was later consumed, presumably for morale.
Among the more prominent agitators is Mr. John Adams, whose enthusiasm for rebellion is matched only by his inability to sit still. He has proposed so many committees that I suspect he believes bureaucracy itself will defeat the Crown. Samuel Adams, meanwhile, continues to ferment unrest and ale in equal measure. And George Washington—who has recently purchased military garb and a book on discipline—now struts about like a man auditioning for the role of “General” in a colonial pageant.
The colonies continue to print their own currency, boycott British goods, and organize militias with the enthusiasm of children building forts from laundry. I remain confident that rebellion planned by committee shall collapse under the weight of its own minutes.
Ever encamped, occasionally enraged,
Colonel Archibald Shufflebottom, 47th Regiment of Foot
Defender of Empire, Critic of Colonial Coordination & Revolutionary Stationery
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